We Caught Our Roof Arsonist

 So, we caught our roof arsonist. Yes, finally. 4 days into this mess. And, well.. let me tell you, it is a WILD story. As I mentioned last night, I decided to do a stakeout. Which.. I didn't entirely fail at. But I did fall asleep.

So at first, I was kind of mad. Like, I failed to stake out and catch our arsonist, god dammit. But.. guess who was asleep next to the fire pit?

Yep. Our roof arsonist. Obviously, if they decided to fall asleep next to our fire pit, things aren't great for them, so I felt bad and took them inside.

So I sat there for a bit and waited for them to wake up. It'd be rude to just randomly wake them. So when they did wake up, I tried to explain the situation, but they ran off! Obviously me and the others gave chase.

I think they knew they were a bit screwed; three animals chasing them is kind of a no brainer for "I'm screwed," so they whipped around, bared their teeth in an almost comical fashion, and lit that lighter in their hand.

This is where things get hard to explain with just words alone, so I'm going to use quotes of what was said to illustrate my point. No need to thank me, I kind of stole this idea...

I'll separate it out in a different alignment to make it easier.

 

Ezekiel: "Hey! What are you doing?"

Our Arsonist: "What does it look like I'm doing?! I'm threatening you, idiot!"

Me: "Okay, let's be honest. You're not good at being scary, alright? You look like a caricature of a wolf doing that. We're not even going to hurt you, so calm down, okay? We just wanna tell you to knock it off on the whole roof burning thing."

"And why should I trust that? For all I know, you'll gladly call the cops the second you get me to 'calm down.'"

Adalie: "Cops aren't in the plan. Cops suck."

"Moni, let me handle this, okay?"

"Huh?"

"Huh?" 

"What's your name? Mine is Ezekiel. I use they/he pronouns."

"...??? Um. Mozzarella. They/xe."

"Nice to meet you. Why do you keep burning our roof?"

"What am I supposed to do? It's unreasonably cold in the mornings and I don't want to freeze."

"So, you don't have anywhere else to go?"

"Duh. That's what that implies, isn't it?"

"I don't want to make assumptions. You can stay with us until you're back up on your paws, if you'd like."

"..I can?"

So now we have a pyromaniac staying with us. Honestly, I'm happy we aren't gonna have char marks on our roof anymore. As long as they keep their fire obsession out on the patio and not in or on our house, they can stay as long as they'd like.

 They're being quite insistent about sleeping outside next to the patio, though. Which, is fine, but if it starts raining their stuff will get all soaked.

Although.. if you recall our original post on the subject, there was a small amount of charring on the roof over our bedroom. Apparently, Mozzarella wasn't behind that, but xe were behind the rest of the charring. I wonder what that's about.